Central
by petulantpoet
Summary: Severus may not have died but it doesn't mean the memories ever go away or that he's ever quite the same again. Severus and Narcissa try to find a way to live beyond the past.


I received a lovely email from dear Mrs. Milfoy who managed to plant a seed that absolutely took hold and refused to let go until it bloomed to fruition. The Madame wondered about a story where Severus manages to some how live beyond the great war and then perhaps make a life for himself. As per ususal my version always includes Narcissa and it would seem dear Mrs. Milfoy and myself have an affinity for the pairing. I took her ponderings along with her parting words which was a quote by Ernest Hemingway and spent the day creating this little world. I'd beg for reviews but I somehow think it cheapens me.

Mrs. Milfoy this is dedicated to you. I hope I have not dissapointed.

"Isn't it pretty to think so?"-Ernest Hemingway

Central

Standing before him I nervously waited as he scrutinized my altered appearance before finally casting his judgment. Severus always had a way of making you feel like a dimwitted child who had asked a particularly ridiculous question they should have already known the answer to. He always seemed as if he was mentally struggling to find simple enough words which might convey his irritation and phrase them in such a way that you might understand. His face however, as always remained unreadable and it had been impossible to tell if he found my new raven locks as flattering as I had. I had thought perhaps a change would help. No, that wasn't quite right at all- I _desperately _hoped a change might help. Nothing revolutionary mind you, nothing quite so drastic it couldn't ever be reversed; nothing that should have mattered quite as much as it obviously had.

"It reminds me of Bellatrix."

He needn't have said anything else. I knew immediately how he felt. Quickly he stood and with more force than necessary he folded the paper he had been reading and tossed it aside. His eyes seemed to narrow as he studied my appearance. It hadn't occurred to me just how much I might resemble my sister and it certainly hadn't occurred to me how he might react. Unsure of exactly what to say or even what to do I stood there planted still within the doorway of his study and waited for his next volley to fire.

It took him only a few precise steps and suddenly I realized Severus had crossed the room and stood but mere inches from me. His eyes still narrowed, his gaze scrutinizing every inch of my features paying particular attention to my face. He reached for my hair and without cause I flinched, perhaps from instinct and immediately saw absolute overwhelming pain cut cross the features of his face. Severus had never stuck me and I knew he never would; he was much finer made than that. Severus was the man who had saved me; in fact he had saved us all. Without him I would not be alive and my son, well he most certainly would be lying cold and dead within an unmarked tomb.

I could not say what caused that particular reaction; I should like to blame instinct or perhaps our current set of circumstance or even our past set of circumstance. Honestly I would like to blame anything and anyone at all if only I were able to rewind the last few minutes and alter my actions. Until that moment I had no idea the damage I was capable of inflicting upon him and now that I had seen just how much power I held over him I think perhaps I finally realized just what he had given up to save not only myself but my son as well.

Once the war finally ended and my husband was forever locked away behind the towering walls of Azkaban the name Malfoy became a pariah and it had become impossible for either me or Draco to remain within the wizarding world as we knew it. Shunned and ignored we had sought refuge within the Manor which over time became nothing short of a gilded cage.

It was on a dismal rainy evening when Severus arrived on my door step much in the same manner I had once appeared on his. However unlike last time I had not asked for his help, I had not sought him out as a means to an end. This time he came for me and mine, this time he came to claim what he always felt should have been his all along.

Standing there in the rain with only his eyes visible beneath his soaked hair he had looked into my soul and said the only words he needed to say, "Get your coats, we're leaving." It was that one moment that suddenly made every miserable part of my life once again bearable- I had after all always been one to cling to the impossible. We left that night; all three of us beneath the cover of darkness finding safety and shelter within her shadows. We walked away and never once looked back; we left the magical world and sought refuge among the muggle's and began our new lives. Severus the scholar once again found cold comfort teaching within the walls of a classroom, Draco the student attending Muggle University struggling to learn the native French language. I had thought the nightmare to be over and in a sense perhaps the worst of it was. However I would soon learn that love it seemed wasn't a choice, it happened regardless- and loving Severus took time. He was a man who had once been destroyed by his own desires; he was in fact his own tragic undoing.

Slowly he began to run his fingers through my raven locks and his eyes locked within my gaze and I could see then he was trying so desperately to separate his current world from the one we had fled. It hadn't been easy convincing him to forget, to finally separate him self from the only addiction he had ever known. Oh yes, the war had been his drug of choice and it had almost killed him both literally and figuratively when it had finally ended. Severus was a man who liked to be on watch; alert and awake, always prepared for the next crisis. That was after all in his nature, it defined his entire life and now with no war Severus had fallen into a mundane existence and Narcissa had found herself within a new role as well; a reluctant yet completely devoted companion.

Severus had a gift of choosing his words with great care and would go for hours without speaking a single word. He had once told me that idle conversation was the tell tale sign of an idle mind but in this instance his silence was killing me. His stony façade was slicing away at what little self respect I had remaining and I wasn't sure how much longer I could tolerate his silence. In complete frustration I whispered his name and waited to see if perhaps that had in fact been the absolute incorrect thing to do, "_Severus_."

My voice seemed to bring him mentally back to the realm in which we lived and he once again sought out my eyes. Together we stood within his study surrounded by all his precious books and the deep rich smell of leather once again reminded me why I loved this room most of all. It was quite simply Severus deconstructed into a thousand separate objects and if carefully placed together within the space of these four walls they somehow became a whole once again. His room was the one place he came to brood and I had always appreciated that in a man; it demonstrated an air of thought and confirmed for me he would always on some level remain forever in control.

His face seemed softer and it was then when I thought the worst to be over. Perhaps within the last few silent moments he had managed to bury his memories once again and return to the world in which he was loved beyond all measure. For in truth he had become absolutely necessary to my survival. Quite simply put he had become my entire world. It was then I thought perhaps I should remind him of just such.

"I didn't think….I…I didn't realize…." I found it more difficult to voice my thoughts than anticipated. "I just want you to be happy, to never regret bringing us here. I don't want to be your burden…ever. I've been that before, I've been the noose around your neck that almost killed you and I will never be that again. I am sorry, I simply did not think."

Reaching out he took my chin and with his eyes I could see him trying to convey my importance to him without ever saying a word. Perhaps this was once again one of those times when he felt words were completely unnecessary and could potentially cloud his true intent.

I tried once again, "I'll change it…I'll change it back."

His response would have been considered sharp in tone had I not known him as I did. "NO…I need this, I need something in my life I don't control."

Sensing my confusion he cupped my face within his hands and stared directly into my eyes. Once again he stated just exactly what it was that he required. "I need this….I need this."

It was then I understood; we weren't discussing the color of my hair anymore. What he was sharing now was so much more important than anything he had ever told me before. He needed me, he needed _me_. Not out of a sense of obligation or even an outdated sense of chivalry but because he needed _me_ somewhere close by always within his sphere of reference. Unable to stop the tears I began to cry and softly he wiped away my sadness.

Never releasing my eyes he promised me with words, words most assuredly carefully chosen that he would never again be without me. "You wear me out ….but I need this. _I need this_."

All I could think, all that came to mind was how pretty it was to think so.

_~~finis~~_


End file.
